Joel and I were asked to share our story at our denomination's annual regional meeting last week. It was such an honor and we were overwhelmed by the response, especially because we are in the midst of it right now. We don't have a conclusion or a "happy ending" - Who does anyway? Since I have been on a blogging hiatus, I thought I would open my blogging back up by sharing this story. I figured if we shared it with a bunch of strangers we might as well share it with my 5 followers!
These are just our notes, so they might seem a little scattered, but you'll get the point.
I.
Introduction: (Joel)
My name is Joel and this is my wife Lisa and we have a 4 year
old son named Isaiah. We have been here
at the Fort Collins ECC for 6 years.
This is our story: Boy meets
girl. They get married; they have a
baby; and they live happily ever after.
The End. Right? We dreamed about how many kids we were going
to have, how far apart in age they were going to be, and their names- It was
the American dream. 2.5 kids, a dog and
a white picket fence. Things haven’t exactly
turned out the way we expected. 2 years
ago, we thought it was that time to start trying for our 2nd
baby.
It only took us 2 months and we were overjoyed with the
positive pregnancy test, only to find out shortly after that we had
miscarried.
II.
Infertility and Depression (Lisa)
Miscarriage is such a difficult thing to go through because
you are mourning a life you really never knew.
However, God took us both on a beautiful journey of healing and
comfort. Since Miscarriages are so common
we thought we were going to be able to have another one right away. 2 years later we still have not had that
positive pregnancy test. There are so
many women that struggle with infertility who haven’t been able to have any
children of their own, so we know that we are incredibly blessed to at least have
one. It actually makes us more thankful
realizing what a miracle Isaiah is. I
went through several tests, ultrasounds, hormones, charting and everything
always came back as normal. They
couldn’t figure out what was going on. If
you know anyone who has struggled with infertility, it’s a vicious cycle every
month of getting your hopes up only to be crushed. It’s draining, stressful and painful. Miscarriage is hard enough, but infertility
after a miscarriage is rough. As much as
I felt God’s healing through our loss, I felt like I was stuck in the grief
because I couldn’t move forward. I
thought the only way to move on was to have another one to look forward to. I can honestly say it was the darkest time of
my life. I was angry. It was hard for me to even go to church, there
were so many others getting pregnant around me. I think I counted 13 friends at one point who
were pregnant or had newborns. I was in the midst of a faith crisis, doubting
His faithfulness and plan for our life. I was mad at God, not understanding why
He would withhold this blessing and desire of my heart. Adding financial
struggles, a family crisis, family members sick, job stress and health issues on top of it…we were
in a pit! I sank into a deep depression
last fall-not wanting to be around people, having a hard time even talking with
God, not wanting to get out of bed. I
was completely consumed with my desire.
It’s crazy to me that Satan can take such a good thing, like wanting to
have a baby and tweak it just enough to become a sin. And it was sin I was living in. I was chained
up with my desire believing the only way the chains would break was to see a
positive pregnancy test. Having a baby
became an idol.
III.
Called OUT (Joel)
But if we rewind a bit to last summer in the midst of this, we
felt that we were at a
point where we were filling more and more time with church activities and
ministry within the church (which is vital and fulfilling), but something was
missing. God was nudging us to do more
outside of the church. We were also struggling
financially and it seemed like every opportunity we were coming across had to
do with writing a check. We were
frustrated. We wanted to DO
something. We were quickly convicted
that the whole point of getting fed and sharpened within church is to use it to
GO OUT.
There is something deep down inside of us that cannot be
satisfied until we are pouring out what is getting poured in.
We started praying and it led to a question:
“If we had the perspective
of being missionaries in Northern Colorado, how would our lives look
different?”
That is when Foster care started coming up. We don’t even
remember exactly where it came from. We
had considered adopting before but it wasn’t until we heard the shocking statistics
of the abused and neglected in our own city that we began looking into Foster
Parenting. For example, a 7 year old girl being sold for sex so her parents
would have drug money or an infant going through drug withdrawal because her
mom was addicted to meth while breastfeeding.
Everywhere we turned Foster Care came up- sermons, conversations, even
movies. God was breaking our heart for what breaks his.
God really got our attention at the end of last summer when we
heard a great sermon that said “Go Out” – "say Yes"…Both Lisa and I felt a
calling that day… But we weren’t ready yet.
We wanted to move forward, but we were a mess. We wanted a definitive answer on pregnancy
and Lisa’s depression was getting worse so we interpreted that as God closing
doors. But God was teaching us to say
Yes. By submitting and drawing closer to His heart we found peace.
(Lisa)
So, we started our training after the first of the year
(which was a cool story in itself as far as schedules and timing working out).
We quickly felt confirmation all over the place. After every class we walked
away feeling like this is it!
This is what we are called to. It was an actual, practical way to be
Jesus’ Hands and Feet here in our community;
to love the broken, the sick, the poor, the orphans, the outcasts. It
wasn’t just loving and taking care of these children, who really are the least
of these...but it was also being God’s light and love to the birthparents. Most of the birthparents come from generation
after generation of addiction, abuse or neglect. After the first class, we were
driving home and all I could hear was the word REDEMPTION. God redeems all things. He redeems us in all of our pain and
heartache. This wasn’t about us
replacing the baby we lost or couldn’t have. We couldn’t fathom wanting anything
more than another baby, but Jesus beautifully uprooted a deeper desire that has
been there our whole life. His
Desire. His Kingdom Purpose
for us.
It seemed like the closer we were getting to living out His
purpose in our lives, the more joy and peace we felt. With help, I was finally coming out of the
fog of depression. God’s word was more alive and active than ever, giving me
hope and peace as we handed over our desires to Him. As we handed over our desire for another baby,
God gloriously assured me one morning that he cared about that desire too.
I was sitting at the table, eating my breakfast and doing my
bible study when Isaiah asked me “Mommy, why do you draw in your Bible?” I told him “God speaks to me through the Bible,
so I underline the words so that I remember what he told me.” He said, “Well Jesus tells me things in my
Bible and I underline the words.” I am
pretty sure I said something snotty back to him like, “you don’t even know how
to read” Well, when I was getting ready
to put him down for his afternoon I found his children’s bible on the floor of
his room with an orange crayon sitting next to it. This is what I found:
There was such a burden lifted from my heart that day. Just knowing that God knows. He doesn’t take it lightly. He has a deliberate, orchestrated plan for
our life. He knows. I was finally able to trust him with that.
(Joel)
Everything seemed to be falling in to place, but during the last
week of our classes, I lost my job. We
were worried that this would interfere with getting certified. But, sure enough within a couple of weeks I
had a better, more consistent job with an incredible schedule, which should
work out better with foster care. That is a story in itself, but it is more
than we could have asked or imagined.
(Lisa)
The week after that happened I had surgery that determined
the cause of my infertility. The surgeons were able to take care of it right
away. It is a huge praise and relief to finally
have an answer.
Conclusion ? : (Joel)
So here we are. We
started our home study on Monday and we should get placed in the next 30-60 days We
are in the process of learning so much.
We wouldn’t be going through with foster care if the plans we had for ourselves
worked out in our timing. More importantly, we wouldn’t know God as intimately
as we do now because of everything we have been through. And just like many parents learn to let their
kids go when they move out or turn 18, we are learning to surrender Isaiah to
God’s care. We are learning that God
didn’t plan for us to be foster parents without thinking about Isaiah. We don’t really understand how all these
different aspects of a possible pregnancy and foster care are going to mesh and
when, but we are learning reverence.
Holy Submission to our great God and his deliberate plan for our
life. It’s a bit like stepping out on
water, exciting and scary all at the same time! We are trusting in Him with
excited expectation as we say yes and go out.
If anyone would like to receive our emails regarding Foster Care, prayer requests and ways to support us- please email me at lisa.russell30@gmail.com
